I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
