dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
