i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
