youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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