just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
