dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
