A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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