I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
