just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
A+ Viking dick
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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