yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
