Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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