I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
