I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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