I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
