went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
