Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
