Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
