Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
