the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
