i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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