Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
