I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
