Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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