don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
