i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
