is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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