I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
