are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
