you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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