wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
