his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
