This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
And then he peed in my hair
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