I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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