Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
