he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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