I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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