I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Randomize
