I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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