she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
