No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
