worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
