i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
