My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
