Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
