The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
