Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
