I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
