I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
