When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
