Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
