hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
