So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
