During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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