your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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